Elephant in the Room: more than 13 reasons to Discuss

Elephant in the Room

I’m sitting here talking to Tripp Morris, father and coach of Hampton Morris.  We are at the Youth Pan American Championships in Cali, Colombia.  We’ve had a great conversation about life, politics, and a little weightlifting sprinkled on top.  One topic that we discussed was the challenges experienced from children in our school system.  There are some things that need to be said, and these things need to be discussed and dealt with. 

Last night, I watched the first episode of “13 Reasons Why” on Netflix.  I am going to warn you right now about his show.  If you don’t want to deal with some very real issues that our children are dealing with in school, then don’t watch this show.  It’s going to force you to think about these issues, and it’s going to show you the extremes that can happen.

These topics aren’t totally new to the world.  Yes, cyber bullying is new, but all the other topics have existed for a very long time.  I’m talking about topics like:

·      Bullying

·      Spreading gossip that ruins the reputation of fellow students

·      Cliques

·      Socioeconomic groups that verbally abuse each other

·      Drugs

·      Rape

·      False accusations

As a father, I am scared to death for my young children coming up in this world.  I am not talking about them dealing with the new world involving the Internet and social media.  Yeah that stuff worries me, but I am talking about the very things that I had to deal with as a youth.  I am not the only one that dealt with bullying and the shear harshness of classmates.  I have several friends with similar stories, but no one wants to talk about it.  We all just want to move on, pretend it didn’t happen, and continue on with the image of a perfect life.

Let me be clear, no one has a perfect life or family this side of heaven.  Humans are just a mixed up lot, and we are not going to get it exactly right.  We simply live in a world filled with divorce, depression, violence, infidelity, and million other shortcomings.  I think it’s time that we quit pretending, and it’s also time that we started dealing with a few of these shortcomings. 

I want to start with the situation that our children are dealing with in the school system.  Yes there is bullying, rumors being started, and children being shunned by classmates, but there is something that is much more concerning for me.  I am talking about teachers that know these things are going on, or worse, teachers that are a part of it.  It happens way more than any of us would like to admit.  There are just too many teachers that are in the school system for all the wrong reasons. 

Bullying was prevalent in my high school growing up.  Seniors would make freshmen push pennies down the hallway with their noses.  Upper classmen would give wedgies, swirlies, and stuff underclassmen into lockers.  I witnessed teachers laughing at these poor children along with the students performing the abuse.  If you think that this is funny, you have a sick sense of humor.  You don’t need to be teaching.  As a matter of fact, you need help.

I was the student that refused this abuse, which meant that I was forced to fight the upper classmen.  I remember spending sleepless nights in anticipation of the next day’s abuse.  No 14-year-old child should have to deal with that.  When we send our children to school, we trust the teachers with the safety and well being of our children.  Unfortunately, all to often we are sending them to teachers that never grew up, so they are accepting this behavior as the norm and even becoming a part of the Dark Age rituals. 

I remember fighting with an upper classman as teachers stood around and watched while cheering on their favorite student.  High school isn’t boxing class.  It’s a place of learning, or at least it is supposed to be.  The thoughts of my boys having to deal with such issues breaks my heart, and I refuse to allow this to go on.

It’s not just bullying and fighting that scares me.  It’s the way that cliques make people feel outside of their group.  Then we have wealthier students making fun of less fortunate students.  Heaven forbid the rumors and bullying that goes on with social media.  I have watched some of my female athletes come into the gym with what looked to appear ruined lives.  Of course as adults, we know that it’s not the end of their lives, but they don’t know that.  Their little hearts are broken because another kid or group of kids decided to spread rumors on Facebook, or to bully them in their direct message world.

Lately, we know all to well about the drugs, date rape, and other appalling things that are happening in our schools.  So how do we solve this?  How do we limit this?  It starts at home, and that’s the bottom line.  As parent, we have to stay involved.  There is no way that I am not checking up on the social media of my two boys until they are out of my house.  They are my boys, and they are my responsibility given to me by God.  How can I teach them if I don’t know what’s going on?

I am going to shoot you straight here, so I hope that I don’t offend you.  When you say that you don’t have to check up on your child because you trust them, that’s a naive statement.  What if your child is being bullied, and they are embarrassed?  What if another adult is manipulating them?  Guys we need to know what’s going on with our children.  If you are a parent, that’s your number one priority.  We can’t get too busy to parent. 

Yes we need to develop trust, but that comes with time.  We need to teach our children to come to use with issues.  We also need to open our eyes and be observant.  If something appears to be wrong or off with your child, then it is safe to assume that it is.    At that point, we have to take the time to sit down with our children without distractions and have a talk. 

We need to teach our children about all of these topics.  Man I get it.  I am busy too.  Life is more distracting than it has ever been in the history of the world especially with social media.  That does not mean that we have an excuse to ignore our babies.  We have to teach them about bullying, sex, drugs, and simply how to treat other people.  Don’t assume that your child will always be the victim.  For every child getting bullied, there is another child doing the bullying.  That means all of us have a chance that our child is the bully.  That’s a problem, and that’s something that we need to deal with. 

When a child becomes a bully, normally something has happened at home to cause the child to act out on other children.  Not only do we need to teach them better behavior, but we also need to find out and correct the actions at home that are triggering the child to bully. 

Personally I don’t want my children to become victims nor do I want them to victimize others.  Children deserve a safe place to go to school.  When a child commits suicide, we have failed as a society to protect that young person.  We have ignored signs.  We might have been more of a direct cause.  The bottom-line is that we need to get better as a society. 

Teachers have to start teaching.  You are not besties with the students.  You are there to teach them and protect them.  Do your dang job!  Parents have to start parenting.  We have to teach our children at home.  We have to stay involved in their lives.  We have to stop ignoring signs.  Do your dang job! 

Students, you have to be kind to one another.  You will find much more joy with inspiring and elevating others.  Don’t let friends pressure you into being mean to classmates.  The world would be such a beautiful place if we simply spent time loving others.  God has been telling us that for all eternity, but we have to grasp it to understand the power of love.  I suggest spending a day or a week being kind to others and loving others.  You will be amazed the impact on your own psyche that you will experience from simply being kind to other people. 

Anyways, I am not sure if this short blog will do anything to change the world, but at least I have said it.  Even if I die, my boys will be able to read it.  Our children deserve a safe place to study and grow.  Let’s work together to provide just that.